


Minor Keys, Major Struggles

by Norbez



Category: Code:Realize ～創世の姫君～ | Code: Realize - Guardian of Rebirth (Visual Novel), Code:Realize～創世の姫君～ | Code:Realize ~Sousei no Himegimi~ | Code:Realize ~Guardian of Rebirth~ (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - School, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Awkward Crush, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Victor, Bisexuality, Boys In Love, Classical Music, College, Comfort/Angst, Crushes, Dorks in Love, Drama & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Music, Nerdiness, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Psychological Trauma, Punk, Punk Rock, Romance, Romantic Fluff, School, Shyness, Slash, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Trauma, University, bisexual van helsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Norbez/pseuds/Norbez
Summary: Van Helsing is a well-known roadie who suddenly left the scene.  Victor is a violinist who needs help with his first real gig.  When their worlds collide, will love form, or will their pasts consume them?A Code: Realize College AU.
Relationships: Victor Frankenstein/Abraham Van Helsing (Code: Realize)
Kudos: 5





	1. A Chance Coffee Meeting

“Darn . . . this is hopeless.”

Victor sighed as he entered the Curious Café, running a hand through his creamy brown hair. His first concert was tomorrow night, Saturday, and he still hadn’t found someone else to help him set up! Man, where were your friends when you needed them. . .?

Well, that wasn’t exactly fair. Impey was at a robotics tournament for their college, after all, not returning until the end of the weekend. Lupin had a conference and wouldn’t come back until Monday. It really couldn’t be helped. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t bummed out about it.

Well, like any college senior, he could use a break. Victor walked up to the counter of the café, rubbing his chin as he decided what to order. Finally he said, “Iced pumpkin latte, please,” and paid the proper amount. When he walked to the other end of the counter, someone caught his eye, and he sucked in a breath.

Sitting in the nearly-empty building was, of all people, his crush from chemistry class, Van Helsing. The man was dressed impeccably, as usual, wearing a blue collared shirt underneath a spiky punk jacket. His beautiful purple eyes, framed by rectangular glasses and dirty blond hair, were narrowed, and before Victor knew it, they were staring directly at him.

Victor jumped and quickly turned away, blushing as he grabbed his coffee from the counter. Shoot, did Van know? Had he realized why he was staring? _Calm down, Fran, calm down. It’s probably nothing_ , the chemistry student reassured himself, taking a deep breath. He turned around, and suddenly found himself face-to-face with Helsing himself.

Well, face-to-face wasn’t quite accurate. The other man was tall, at least a head taller than Victor, and he found himself looking at Van’s muscular chest. Victor also found himself looking at the main reason why he didn’t want Helsing to know about his crush: the cross dangling around Van’s neck, surely a sign of biblical principles that taught male relationships were not to be permitted. What would his classmate think of a bisexual disaster like him? He was afraid to find out.

“Hey Van!” Victor said, trying to sound casual. “Did you need something?”

“You were staring at me,” Van said simply. His eyes stared down, unchanging.

“Sorry about that.” Victor laughed, his finger nervously tapping against the coffee cup. “I just recognized you from chemistry is all! I don’t usually see many other students here.” It was true, the Curious Café hadn’t drawn the attention of the college yet. Victor usually found it a quiet place to reflect on his thoughts—though tonight, Helsing’s appearance threw a wrench in that plan.

Van shrugged. “Thought I’d try something new.” His glare unchanging, he gestured to the table he was sitting at. “Care to join me?”

“U-Um, I,” Victor stuttered, taking in a surprised breath, “sure! I’d love to!” _Darn, was that too obvious?_ But his crush didn’t seem to notice, and as Helsing walked back to the table, the shy chemist followed him. Both sat down, and there was an awkward silence as Van sipped his black coffee. He didn’t seem eager to start a conversation.

“So why are you in Professor James’s chemistry class?” Victor asked, trying to hide his blushing face behind his cup. “Are you a chemistry major too?”

Van shook his head. “I’m a Forensics major,” he answered simply. “Chemistry is one of my electives.”

“Oh.” Victor had partially hoped his crush would be in his field, if only to discuss formulas and mixtures with someone he liked.

He tried to hide his sadness, but the keen-eyed Helsing spotted it, and said, “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“N-No! It’s fine!” the chemist said quickly, taking a gulp of coffee. Trying to shift the mood, he asked, “What are your weekend plans?”

Van shrugged. “Study and sleep,” he replied. “You?”

“Um, well. . .” He took a breath, and said, “I-I actually have a performance tomorrow. Just a little gig down at Isaac’s Corner. My first one, actually. They have this thing called ‘Live Night’ where they get performers to come play for their customers, and I got a slot.”

“That’s nice.”

_He doesn’t seem interested. . ._ “I’m actually looking for somebody who could help me set up the speakers and work sound,” Victor continued. _Maybe he knows someone?_ “The guy who was supposed to help me bailed. . . Do you know anyone who could do it?”

Helsing took another sip of coffee, then set down his cup. “Who was supposed to help you before?” he asked.

Victor sighed. “Herlock from our class, but he texted me yesterday that ‘something came up’ and he couldn’t do it.” He took an angry gulp of his beverage. “Really left me holding the bag. . . I’m worried I’ll have to cancel my gig at this rate.”

Van nodded. He seemed to be listening more intently now . . . but maybe that was just Victor’s hopeful imagination?

“I could do it.”

The chemist almost spit his drink in surprise. “Y-You what?” he asked, looking up at Van.

“I could help you with setup and sound,” Helsing repeated with a shrug. “I have experience with that kind of thing.”

Victor blushed, adjusting his large glasses. Was it possible for this guy to get any more attractive? “Are you sure? What about your studying?”

“It’s not much. I can finish it on Sunday.” A small smile cracked through Van’s blank exterior, and he asked, “What, do you want me to help or not?”

“I-I want you to help!” Victor said quickly. “That would be wonderful.”

“Good.” Helsing returned to passively sipping his coffee, though he pulled out a notebook and pen with his other hand. “What time is your gig?”

“6:30pm.”

“And it’s at Isaac’s Corner?”

“Yes. How much do you charge?”

“No charge this time. Consider it a favor, since it’s your first performance.” He scribbled down the information, and put the notebook back in his pocket. “Alright. I’ll be there at 5pm for setup.”

“Great!” Victor couldn’t hide his delighted grin. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s nothing,” Van said. He stood up from the table, his coffee finished, and held a hand out to Victor. “Want me to take your cup?”

“Oh, thanks!” Victor gave it to him, and his hand grazed the other man’s, just for a moment, and his face flushed at the warmth. “I-I’ll see you then,” he managed to squeak.

“Naturally,” Helsing said. Victor watched him throw their cups in the trash, and then leave the café.

“Holy moly,” the chemist said, burrowing his face in his hands. How awkward had he been around his crush? Oh boy, what did Van Helsing think of him now?

He took a deep breath. The past was the past. . . Well, in theory it was, anyway. He wasn’t good at letting go of prior events, was he?

No, he wasn’t.

He. . .

For a moment Victor found himself back at that time, deep in the darkness of his mind, and he gasped, clutching his arm. Not there. . . Not there! Desperately he tried to escape the memories, but they came over him like a wave, refusing to let go.

He felt fingernails burrow into his skin, and the man gasped at the sensation, returning back to reality. He looked down and saw blood running down his arm. _That’s embarrassing. . . At least Van didn’t see that._ He was more grateful than ever of the Curious Café’s low customer rate; nobody had noticed him.

After using a napkin to clean things up, Victor sat back down at the table. Taking out his notebook, he began going over his songs once again, as one could never have them too memorized.

In the back of his notes, one line had been written, then erased.

_I can never be forgiven._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New fic babyyyyy! :D Played Code: Realize at my sister's recommendation and got this rad idea. It'll be multiple chapters, hopefully around 10 or so, covering Victor and Van Helsing's romance. :3
> 
> I also want to write a poly version of this with Cardia involved. Hopefully I'll have the time and energy to do so. >m<
> 
> Let me know what you think of this fic! C;


	2. Showtime

After using the afternoon to study, Van decided to walk to Isaac’s Corner. It was a nice day out, after all, and he could use the fresh air.

It was hard not to stay vigilant as he journeyed to his destination. Nobody in this town would recognize him, surely, but still he found himself checking people’s faces and glancing around to check his environment. Old habits died hard, especially in new places.

Soon enough, he reached the restaurant. “Isaac’s Corner” was written on a wooden sign, hanging from a peg. Helsing could hear plenty of chatter inside, and he took a deep breath. Then, he opened the door, and entered the building.

He looked around, taking in the atmosphere. Isaac’s Corner was a cozy place, packed with people chatting and eating. Tables filled this side of the room, and on the other side was a bar and small stage area, with curtain closed.

“Van! You came!”

He looked over to see Victor Frankenstein sitting at a table, waving and smiling like a child. The man was wearing a dress shirt underneath a green sweater vest, a fashion choice that perfectly complimented his eyes.

“Of course I did,” Van replied. “I told you I’d come, so here I am.”

“Well, I’m glad to see you.” For some reason, the chemist looked relieved. Had he not been expecting Van to keep his word?

“Let’s get started,” he said, pushing the matter aside. “The sooner you’re miked, the better.”

“Right.” Victor stood up, and gestured for Van to follow. “Let’s go backstage. The manager already unlocked it for us.”

The chemistry major led him around the restaurant, walking along the walls to the designated door. But just as they reached it, a figure stepped in front of them.

“Holy shit,” the man said, staring at Van with an expression of awe. Van sighed irritably—he had tried to avoid this, but he knew exactly what was coming—and Victor stopped walking, staring with a confused expression. “You’re Van Helsing, aren’t you?”

“Do you know that guy, Van?” Victor asked.

“KNOW him?!” The man turned to Van’s friend, incredulous. “Do you not know this guy is? He was a roadie for a ton of punk bands across the state! We worked together at a Smashing Skulls concert!”

“Really?!” Victor’s eyes widened, and his face turned red. Smashing Skulls was a well-known group—even he had heard of them.

“It’s nothing,” Helsing replied, wanting nothing to do with this conversation. He didn’t even remember who this guy was, and frankly, he didn’t care.

But the man pushed forward. “So why did you quit, dude? Everyone knew you were gonna be working with a huge band someday!”

“That’s none of your business,” Van replied. His face remained the same, but internally, his limit had been pushed. He shoved the man aside, and continued his way to the door. “Now if you excuse me, I have business to attend to.”

Victor was flustered for a moment, but he quickly caught up with his classmate, closing the door behind them. “Sorry, Van,” the chemist said.

Van frowned. “For what?”

“I-I had no idea you were so famous!” Victor stuttered. “Are you sure you want to do this for free?”

“I offered to, remember?” he reminded the chemist, letting out an annoyed sigh. “And I’m not famous. The only ones who know me are those who worked behind the scenes, like me.” Though it might come across like he was trying to be humble, he was just trying to state the facts. Not to mention that he hadn’t expected anyone to recognize him in this tiny college town. . .

“Still, though.” Victor walked further in, looking around for something, then stopped. “Wait, that means you must’ve been working in the band scene for a while. . . How old are you?”

“26.”

“Oh!” 

Van Helsing almost laughed at that reaction. Almost. “You?”

“24. I, um, entered college late. For health reasons.”

The man ran a hand through his hair. Van could see he was embarrassed, though he hadn’t the faintest idea why. He decided to change the subject. “Where’s your instrument?”

“Oh, here!” Victor showed it to him. It was a small green case, featuring stickers of test tubes and chemical formulas.

“Violin? Viola?” Helsing asked, noticing the size.

“Violin,” the chemist replied, showing him. It was an electric instrument, with a sleek white body and ports for amplifiers and headphones, but also chipped wood and scratches that clearly showed its age. “I originally started playing to help myself relax,” Victor continued, closing the case. “Then I started writing some songs here and there, which I’d play for my friends. They encouraged me to look for a gig somewhere, and . . . well, here we are.”

“Who are your friends?” Van looked around the backstage area, getting to know his surroundings, and soon located the microphones and sound system.

“Uh, Impey and Lupin. Impey’s actually in our class; he’s an engineering major.”

“I remember him.” How could he _not_? The obnoxious guy in the jumpsuit, who was always pelting the professor with questions, was pretty hard to forget. Helsing looked at the front of the stage and found the speakers, locating the wires quite quickly.

“Oh, you do? He’ll appreciate that.” Victor laughed, and brought up a stool to the center of the stage. At the same time, Van grabbed two microphones, and propped them next to the chair.

“So, you have songs. That means you’re playing and singing?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Then sit down like you’re going to for the performance, so I can mic you properly.”

Victor obeyed, and Van got to work. It was easy to get back in the swing of things, and for a while, he was in a trance, doing his job with quiet ease. After adjusting the microphones, he hooked up and tested the speakers while Victor tuned his instrument, then moved on to the sound board.

“Alright, we have to test the mics now,” Helsing said. “Play and sing something for me.”

“Sing what?!” The chemist sounded flustered.

“Anything you want.”

“Ok.”

The curtain between the backstage and main stage area was still open, and Van watched Victor get to the ready, holding up his violin and bow. All at once, the atmosphere around man seemed calm and fierce, like a chess player about to make the first move. It was very unlike the nervous classmate Helsing knew.

And then, he began to sing.

“~I could drown myself in metaphor. . .~”

If he was being honest, Van knew he had heard better. He had listened to many vocalists throughout his career, after all, so he had some experience with talent. But he had to admit that Victor was top-tier, carrying a light, crisp voice with nearly perfect melody. And the violin that accompanied it was played perfectly, not a single note fumbled or missed.

He had to admit he was impressed.

But now was not the time to focus on his personal feelings. Helsing looked down at the soundboard and made a few adjustments, accentuating Victor’s natural talent. When he finished he said, “Alright, I’m done,” and the playing immediately stopped. He shut off the microphones, for now.

“Phew,” the chemist said, sounding relieved. “So, we’re all good?”

“Yes.” Van rolled up his sleeve and checked his watch: it was 6:10. They had twenty minutes until the concert. “Let’s sit down backstage and relax.”

“O-Ok!”

He grabbed two folding chairs and placed them next to each other, sitting and gesturing for Victor to do the same. The other man did so, plopping down with a nervous aura about him.

“Worried about your performance?” Van asked. 

“Oh! Yeah, I guess. . .” His classmate took a deep breath. “I know it’s just background music for a dinner place, but this is my first time performing in front of people like this,” he explained. “You have some experience in this scene, so . . . got any advice?”

Helsing had been asked this many times before, and by now, he knew exactly what to say. “Have confidence in yourself and your talent,” he said, shrugging. “That’s all there is to it. If you don’t have that, you’re not going to play well.”

Victor scratched his head. “Huh.”

“’Huh’?”

“I mean, I’m glad you didn’t tell me to picture the audience naked or something.” The chemist laughed awkwardly. “But it’s pretty hard for me to have confidence in myself. How do _you_ do it?”

No one had asked Van in a long time, and he was momentarily caught off guard. “Well. . .” He sighed, and decided to answer the question truthfully. “I don’t always believe in myself. But I know logically I’m good at what I do, so I hold onto that.”

There was a moment of silence. “That was honest,” Victor finally said.

“Would you rather I not be?” Helsing asked.

“No! I’m glad.” The chemist laughed. “Thanks, Van.”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“. . . So, what classes do you have?”

They sat there chatting until 6:25, when the manager of the restaurant walked backstage to see them.

“You’re all ready?” she asked, giving the two a smile.

“Yeah, all good!” Victor said cheerfully. Van gave her a nod.

“Fantastic.” She walked away. “We’ll announce you soon.” Then she was gone.

Helsing turned to his classmate, and saw he looked more nervous than ever. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this,” Victor squeaked out, burying his face in his hands. His breathing was audible, and quite fast. “Oh God, why did I think I could do this? I can’t even. . . I can’t. . .”

“Relax.” Van put a comforting hand on the chemist’s shoulder, and he saw Victor freeze up. “You’re good at what you do. Your talent is obvious. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“You think I’m talented?” Now the man was blushing.

He nodded. “Naturally. I don’t say things that aren’t true.”

“That’s . . . really nice of you.” Victor smiled. He took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “Thanks, Van. I appreciate that.”

“Of course.” He gestured to the stage. “Now get up there. Everyone’s waiting to hear you.”

The chemist did, and Van Helsing began to close the curtain that separated the backstage area—but then, he left it open, just a crack. In case Victor needed to see him for reassurance.

He got seated at the sound board. For a moment, there was only the sound of people chatting and eating, but then, somebody tapped a microphone.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the manager said, “I’m proud to announce the next live guest tonight at the Corner. As you continue to enjoy your food, please enjoy the melodies of . . . Victor Frankenstein!”

Van pulled open the stage, and people around the restaurant clapped. Van watched through the crack in the curtain, and saw Victor freeze up. He held his breath. Would his classmate follow through, or would he fail?

Thankfully, the chemist did the former. He was only frozen for a brief moment, and then he held up his instrument and bow, that same atmosphere of calm ferocity about him. Then, the man began to play.

Van smiled as he listened to the beautiful music. Victor’s voice and instrumental skill was fantastic, and his lyrics were surprisingly good, too. He played relaxing compositions for the audience, fitting for the restaurant setting, and some people clapped between songs. When the performance was complete, and he lowered the violin, plenty of restaurant-goers showed their appreciation with applause. When Victor headed backstage, his walk was confident, and Van saw his face was full of pride.

“How was it?” the chemist asked hesitantly as he slipped behind the curtain. “Come on, be honest with me.”

“You were great,” Van said, adjusting the soundboard and switching it off. “Your musical skills are excellent.”

Victor turned red. “Seriously?”

He nodded. “Of course. Now, shall we break down the stage?”

They did so, and soon, the two were enjoying dinner together, compliments of the restaurant owner for “bringing such good cheer to his establishment.” Victor, Van noticed, looked shifty as they ate, and he was starting to understand why. . .

“So, you’re just studying this weekend?” the chemist asked, taking a fry from the basket they were sharing. He hadn’t really been eating much.

“Yes,” Helsing replied. Hmm . . . if he wanted to confront Victor, perhaps now was the best time. “I need to ask you something.”

“Uh, s-sure!” he said, gulping down his food. “What’s up? Is it something for class?”

Van shook his head. He wiped his hands daintily with his napkin, and looked right into Victor’s eyes. “You have a crush on me, don’t you?”

His classmate froze, and his eyes went wide. With those huge round glasses, they looked even wider, and Helsing could see he was flustered. “Well, I. . .” He turned away. “Um, maybe. . .”

“It’s not a maybe question, it’s a yes or no,” Van said, sipping his black tea. “It’s fine if you do.”

Victor looked up at him in surprise. “Really? But your cross . . . aren’t you. . .?”

He shook his head. “It’s just a reminder of where I’ve been, not a religious item,” he explained. Unconsciously his hand reached up and touched it, and for a moment he saw Aleister there, chiding him and laughing. No—he had moved far beyond that man. And he would do anything to prove it.

“Oh.” Victor looked relieved. “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you might hate me.”

“Well, I don’t,” Helsing said. “But you haven’t outright answered the question, have you?”

The chemist laughed. “Can’t put anything past you, can I?” His hand went to his hair, and Van watched him run his fingers through the strands, a series of nervous fidgets. “I. . .

“I do,” Victor finally admitted. “Have a crush on you. I hope that’s ok?”

“We’ve been over this. It’s fine.” Van took a sip of tea. “You’re someone I admire as well.”

“Oh. . . Wait, you admire me?!” The chemist looked shocked.

“Naturally. You’re a hard worker, one of the most talented scientists I’ve ever seen,” Helsing explained, thinking back on their class and just how many people were already going to Victor for help, “and, if your performance is any indication, your musical abilities are superb.”

“Well, thanks.” His classmate smiled. “That means a lot, coming from you.”

There was a short silence. Van put down his tea, which was now finished.

“Would you like to go on a date?” he asked.

Surprise and delight filled Victor’s face. “Really?!” he exclaimed. “I mean, yeah! I would love to!”

Van smiled. “There’s a nice little ice cream place downtown, Ice ‘N More. You know it?”

“Yeah. . .”

“Want to meet there tomorrow? Let’s say, 2pm?”

“That sounds great!” Victor couldn’t stop smiling, and he said, “So, it’s a date?”

“It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a date! C:
> 
> The song Victor sings is Teddy Hyde's Vanilla Curls: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kx-En3zimg . The album it's from, Sock-Footed, is basically the theme album for this fic lol. X3 I listened to it non-stop while writing this.


	3. Don't Panic, It's Just A Date

_Victor: So . . . I have a date today._

Victor sent the text apprehensively, holding up his phone as if the message would reach Lupin and Impey faster. To his surprise, his cell buzzed almost immediately with a reply.

_Impey: OMG!!!! d=(´▽｀)=b With who?????_

_Victor: Van Helsing._

_Impey: So you finally told him how you feel? Good for you dude!!! (=^▽^=)_

Victor laughed despite himself. Before he could reply, Impey sent another text.

_Impey: Btw how was your performance? Sorry I couldn’t come. (⁎˃ᆺ˂)_

_Victor: It’s fine, nbd. Van actually helped me set up, and he figured out I have a crush on him lol._

_Impey: Omg lol. You HAVE to tell me everything when I’m back! Coming home from the tournament tonight. (＾∇＾)_

_Victor: I will! I g2g now tho, going to prep for this date._

_Impey: You’re gonna be great dude!!! Bye!!! (*⌒∇⌒*)_

Victor shut off his phone and picked up his violin, taking a deep breath. All he needed to do was relax. Just relax, like his therapist taught him . . . and everything would be ok.

He picked up his headphones—they had a vintage style to them, like brass, that Victor found quite comforting—and plugged them into the violin. Then he began to play.

His fingers moved over the neck like magic, and his bow played the strings with beautiful precision. Every time he picked up the instrument, part of him doubted he had any skill at all, and he was certain that his music would be terrible. But when he actually played, those fears were whisked away, and Victor was able to let himself melt into the song, becoming one with the instrument.

The chemist’s hands moved up and down his violin, and as he lost himself in the music, he was able to let his mind drift a bit. Van Helsing. The date, down at Ice ‘N More. Was he ready to do this?

 _I’m going to be fine_ , Victor reassured himself, taking a deep breath as he held an E sharp. _He’s a good guy. It’ll be great. As long as he doesn’t find out that I—_

The thought jolted him like a shock wave, and his fingers jumped, hitting a flat note and almost causing the violin to tumble out of his hands. Victor’s chest was on fire, and he stumbled, putting down his instrument and gasping for air, breathing hard. No, not this again. Please, not again!

_White violin, brown desk, green case. . . Breathe Victor, breathe._

Thankfully, it was a short episode. Victor quickly regained his air again, and the pain in his chest faded, leaving everything normal—almost as if nothing had happened. He let out a sigh of relief, and took of his headphones, unplugging them from the violin. It was almost time to go, anyway.

He bundled up for the fall weather, putting on his fluffy green parka before heading out the door. It was a bit windy out, but thankfully it wasn’t as cold as it had been earlier that week. So if he and Van decided to walk around, he reasoned, it should make for a good time.

Victor’s stomach grumbled. He hadn’t eaten lunch yet, but that was normal—he often neglected meals, especially on weekends. And he didn’t normally give himself treats like ice cream, but this was a special occasion, after all.

When he turned the corner, there was Van Helsing, standing a few feet away, leaning against the wall of the antique store next door. He was wearing a classy motorcycle jacket and staring down at his phone, appearing to not be paying attention. But just like before, Van proved quite observant of his surroundings, and looked up as Victor approached.

“H-Hey!” the chemist managed to say, waving as he approached his classmate. “Ready to get some ice cream?”

“Of course,” Van replied, straightening up. He walked up to Ice ‘N More, and held the door open. “Shall we?”

“Thanks.” Victor smiled, and entered the shop. “Such a gentleman.”

Van said nothing, and simply walked inside the establishment, standing next to Victor. It was a tiny place, with only a few tables and chairs, all of which were occupied. Van walked up to the counter, and Victor followed, unable to keep a smile on his face. He was actually on a date with his crush! It was quite exciting—and nerve-wracking.

“I’ll have Rocky Road,” Van said to the cashier. He turned to Victor. “What about you?”

“I’ll have Cotton Candy,” Victor said. He reached for his wallet, but before he could pull it out, Helsing had already taken cash from his pocket and was paying the cashier. “Y-You don’t have to do that,” he stuttered.

“I insist.” Van turned to him with the smallest of smiles.

“Well, alright,” Victor said. His anxiety started to nag at him, and he took a deep breath, trying to ignore it.

A minute later the two were holding ice cream—Van with a cup, Victor with a cone—and they went outside, walking together on the sidewalk. “So, tell me about yourself,” Van said, eating his Rocky Road with a careful patience.

Victor swallowed hard. “What do you want to know?” he asked nervously.

“Well, how did you come to Victoria College?”

Victor instantly relaxed, and he took another breath, trying to quiet his fears. “Well, when I applied to colleges, I knew I wanted a place with a top-tier science program,” he explained, licking his Cotton Candy. “After visiting Victoria’s College, I decided that it was the place for me.”

“That’s good,” Helsing said, scooping his ice cream. “I’m glad you were able to find somewhere that suited you.”

“Thanks.” Victor blushed. “So, what about you? Why’d you come here?”

“They offered me the best scholarship,” Van said simply, shrugging.

“Oh.”

“Not to mention the isolated area was a bonus. I wanted to go somewhere quiet.”

Victor chuckled. “Victoria is quiet to you?” he asked, thinking of the town’s uproarious football days.

“Quiet enough for my tastes,” his classmate replied. He sighed. “I certainly didn’t expect to be recognized like that in public. At least it didn’t happen until senior year.”

“I-I’m sure it won’t happen again,” Victor said quickly. “Like you said, this town is small—it was probably just an unhappy coincidence that you both were in the same place at the same time.”

“I hope so,” Van said. He glanced at Victor with a knowing look. “Don’t worry. I don’t plan on leaving this place anytime soon.”

 _How did he. . .?_ “Guilty as charged,” he admitted with a sigh, laughing. “I just got to know you, after all. Can you blame me for wanting you to stay?”

“No, I suppose not,” Helsing said. He’d finished his ice cream, and tossed the cup in a nearby trashcan. For a moment, the two were walking in silence, until he asked:

“So, when did you start to play the violin?”

Victor stopped licking his ice cream and sucked in a breath. “It’s a . . . personal reason,” he finally managed to say. “But I started playing when I was 19, and things just grew from there.”

“And you became this skilled in that short of a time?” Van sounded surprised.

“W-Well, I’ve been singing all my life,” Victor said quickly, “so I’ve always had some grasp on music. I’m not _that_ good at the violin yet though; I’m still just learning, after all.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” his classmate replied. “You’re very talented.”

Victor laughed awkwardly. “You keep saying that,” he teased.

“Because it’s the truth.”

Now he was blushing. _I’m really not, though. . ._ “S-So what are your hobbies, Van?” he asked, trying to change the subject. He was almost done with his ice cream, and as the two turned a corner, they were coming up on a park.

“I used to do boxing,” Helsing told him. “I don’t compete on a team anymore, but I still go down to the gym sometimes and throw a few punches. It helps me relax.”

“That’s awesome!” Victor exclaimed. “Why’d you get into boxing?”

“A friend recommended the sport to me,” his classmate replied. From the firm look on his face, it was clear that was all he wanted to say on the matter.

They reached the park, and Van Helsing gestured to a bench in the sun. “Want to sit down?” he asked. Victor nodded, and the two did so.

 _Darn, what do I say?_ Victor thought, his mind racing. Van leaned back on the bench, looking around with folded arms. _I must be boring him_ , Victor reasoned. _I’m such a boring person, why did I agree on this date?_

He sighed, and turned to find Helsing staring at him, eyes narrowed. “Um, yes?” Victor asked, feeling intimidated.

His classmate turned away for a moment, then turned back to Victor. A mild blush spread across his face, and he said, “I just want you to know I’m having fun. That’s all.”

Relief spread through Victor like a wave, and he couldn’t stop a delighted smile from filling his face. “I’m glad. I—”

It happened all at once. A car came by, driving fast, and squealed around the corner near them, honking angrily. 

It was brief. But it was enough.

Suddenly Victor found himself gasping for breath, his chest flaring up as his heartbeat became louder, ringing in his ears. _Oh god_ , he thought, his hands feeling loose and weightless. _Not again._

“Victor?” Van Helsing’s voice seemed far away now, like his classmate was in a different plane of existence—Victor felt like he was floating away. He made his hand find the arm of the bench, gripping it tightly as if that alone would save him. _Brown bench, black armrest. . . Darn darn darn!_ He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on the techniques his therapist taught him. But his mind was scattered, and trying to find the pieces was taking an enormous amount of effort.

“Victor, breathe.” Helsing’s voice came into his ear, a firm and calming presence that washed over his panic. “Deep breaths.”

He obeyed, focusing on his breathing and trying not to hyperventilate like he usually did. It managed to calm his mind a bit, and Victor looked around, trying to ground himself. _Green grass, brown trees, blue ice cream. . . God, I dropped it, I wasted it, idiot idiot idiot!_

“I’m here, Victor.” That soothing voice came again, returning Victor to earth. “Do you want me to hold your hand?”

Victor nodded, and a warm grip wrapped around his fingers, squeezing tightly and grounding him further. He focused again on his breathing and closed his eyes, tears rapidly rolling down his cheeks. “Breathe,” the voice ordered him, and Victor obeyed.

It felt like they sat there for an hour, Victor floating away from his body and Van helping him pull it back. Until finally, the chemist returned to earth, and opened his eyes, back in reality.

“How are you feeling?” Van asked.

_Oh. . . Oh no. . ._

At that moment he realized just what he’d done, and as he yanked his hands out of Van Helsing’s, the tears came again. “I-I messed everything up,” he sobbed, wiping his cheeks. “I’m sorry. You must hate me now, don’t you?”

“Of course not.”

This was the first time he had heard Van truly angry—usually his classmate had such a calm, impenetrable demeanor. But when Victor turned to him, there was true fury in the other man’s eyes, and he put his hands on Victor’s shoulders. “You didn’t ruin anything,” he said, softly but firmly. “And that definitely wasn’t your fault.”

“Looks like you read my mind—my brain was just going there next,” Victor said, trying to laugh it off.

“Well, it’s bullshit,” Helsing said. He let go of Victor. “You did nothing wrong.”

Victor tried to laugh. “Thank you.” He wiped more tears, and then realized something. “How did you know what to do?” he asked.

“When you work with performers, some of them get nervous,” Van said simply. “So I had to learn how to help them through these kind of things.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Me too.”

They sat in silence for another minute, until Victor said, “I should probably go home.”

“I’ll walk you there.”

 _You still want to be with me?_ “I don’t want to bother you. . .”

“I insist,” Van said firmly. “I can’t just leave you alone after that.”

Victor turned away. Surely the guy wasn’t interested in him at all anymore—he had to just see him as a sad story, a real messed-up case. “Thank you.”

They journeyed back toward the dorms, mostly walking in silence. Victor was too embarrassed to look Van Helsing in the face, and he spent his time staring at the ground, his brain burning with anxious thoughts.

And then, a warm touch lifted him out of it. He looked up, and saw Van was holding his hand, squeezing it tightly as they walked. When he met Helsing’s beautiful purple eyes, the man said, “You looked like you could use some reassurance,” as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

 _See, you didn’t ruin everything_ , his brain assured him. _He’s fine with you._

_Yeah, until he realizes just how terrible you are._

He smiled, a warm blush spreading across his face as his thoughts battled. Victor did his best to quiet them, and focused his mind on the feel of Van Helsing’s hand, wanting to just live in this moment, even for a little bit.

They finally reached Victora College’s campus, and Helsing asked, “Which dorm are you in?”

“Um, Tower. You don’t have to walk me all the way over there.”

“I said I’d walk you home,” Van said, a small smile spreading on his face, “and that’s exactly what I intend to do.”

Victor couldn’t resist grinning, and he didn’t argue.

Tower Dorm wasn’t far, and Helsing stopped in front of the door, looking from the entrance sign to Victor. “Looks like this is it,” he said.

“Yeah.” Victor swallowed. “I’m sorry,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. “I completely ruined our date, and—”

Van held up a hand to stop him. “You have nothing to apologize for, Victor,” he said gently. “These things can’t be helped. I’m just glad you’re ok.”

He let go of Victor’s hand, but instead of returning it to his side, he brought it up and tenderly cupped Victor’s cheek. The chemist blushed madly, looking into Helsing’s purple eyes.

“I guess we’ll have to go on another date sometime,” his classmate said with a small smile.

“I-I guess so,” Victor managed to squeak. “I’d like that.”

“Good.”

Helsing lowered his hand, and before Victor knew it, he was walking away. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Then the man was gone.

Victor stood there for a moment, watching him leave, bringing his hand to the cheek Van Helsing touched. Then he walked inside the dorm, and closed the door behind him.

When he got to his room, Victor realized he was exhausted. The panic attacks had taken a lot out of him, not to mention the lack of food was making it worse. With a defeated sigh, he pulled out his phone and ordered some food via mobile app.

Flopping down on the bed, his mind traveled around the events of the date. He felt like crying again, but he was too tired to do so. Van Helsing had said they should go out again, but did he really mean that? Maybe the guy was just being polite. Maybe he saw Victor for who he really was.

A _bzzz!_ from his phone interrupted his thoughts: Victor’s food was here. After retrieving it, he sat on the bed and ate, brain still churning. A few lyric ideas came to mind, and he grabbed his notebook from his backpack, scribbling them down.

 _What am I going to say to him tomorrow?_ he thought to himself with a sigh. _Maybe I just shouldn’t go to class._

 _No, he’ll want to see that I’m ok._ Victor smiled. _Because he’s kind like that._

_Unlike me._

He continued to eat his food, brain still spewing as he did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Victor :,C My self-deprecating, panicked BABY.
> 
> Also first proper appearance of Impey! I'm certain if Impey was in our century he'd use ALL THE EMOTICONS.


	4. You Alright?

Van looked up when Victor entered the classroom, relieved to see him. He had been worried about his classmate after the panic attack, and was glad to see the chemist was alright.

Victor gave him a shy wave and sat in his usual seat, next to his friend Impey. Van smiled to himself and looked down at his notebook.

When class was over, he stood up from the desk and walked up to Victor and Impey, who were chatting as they exited the room.

“Excuse me,” he said, making the two turn around. For perhaps the first time, he got a good look at Impey: the man had long, wild red hair and a permanent grin plastered on his face, underneath which hid a seemingly-bottomless well of confidence. His clothes, like usual, were quite rumpled, and they looked only half thrown-on, even the orange jumpsuit that he usually wore with every outfit.

“Heya!” Impey said, grabbing Van’s hand and shaking it wildly. “Impey Barbicane, genius engineer. Victor’s told me all about you!”

“Impey!” Victor blushed, clearly embarrassed. “Come on, I didn’t say _that_ much!”

Impey gave his friend a knowing smile, then let go of the handshake. “I’m sure you want to talk to Victor,” he said, grinning, “so I’ll leave you both to it.”

“Impey, wait—”

But the engineer was already running off. “Have fun, lovebirds!” he called behind him. Then he was gone.

Van watched him disappear, and then turned to Victor, who shuffled around awkwardly. “Hey,” the chemist said, forcing a smile. “What’s up?”

He shrugged. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing after yesterday,” he explained, beginning to walk. Victor followed him, and he added, “Are you feeling better?”

“A bit,” his classmate replied with a sigh.

“Do you get those panic attacks a lot? It didn’t seem like it was your first.”

“It wasn’t.” Victor shrugged. “I used to have them more frequently, but now I have them usually every few days instead of every day. If I’m lucky, there’s at least a week or two between each attack.”

Van stopped, pausing in the middle of the hallway. “What’s wrong?” the chemist asked, looking confused.

“That’s a terrible state to be in,” Helsing said, “having panic attacks that frequently.” He turned to Victor. “How do you handle that?”

“I just do what I can,” his classmate replied, continuing walking. Van quickly followed him, and he saw Victor’s eyes were clouded—this was clearly a subject that upset him. “That’s all I can really do for right now. I’ve tried other things, but . . . that’s all.”

“Fair enough.”

The chemist turned to him, looking surprised. “Thought you were going to argue with me on that one,” he said, laughing. “Most people do.”

“It’s your mental health,” Van said, shrugging. “You know it far better than I.”

“Thanks.” Victor looked relieved. That’s good of someone to say.”

They reached the door and walked outside. It was beginning to rain, and water was coming down softly from the sky, pitter-pattering on the roofs of cars. Van put up the hood of his motorcycle jacket, and Victor did the same with his parka.

“Well,” the chemist said, clearing his throat, “I guess I have another class, so—oh no!”

Victor was looking over at something, a surprised and worried expression on his face. Helsing followed his gaze, and found himself staring at a small brown corgi, hiding in the shadows and huddling underneath the trees. Its fur was already soaking wet, and it was clearly shivering.

Before Van could do anything, Victor was running over to the animal, ripping off his coat and placing it on the ground. He held his hand out to the dog, and said, “Hey little guy. You alright?” To Helsing’s relief, the brown ball of fluff sniffed Victor’s fingers, and rubbed its head against them. Perhaps it was easily pleased—either that, or his classmate had a natural affinity for animals.

“Poor thing.” Victor cooed. He placed the animal onto his jacket, then picked it up, wrapping the coat around the corgi. “There’s a shelter not too far from here,” the chemist said, turning to Van Helsing. “Are you parked nearby? We can drive there.”

“I walked here,” Helsing replied. “My vehicle is back at the dorm.”

“Darn,” Victor said. “Let’s take my car then.”

A short walk later, they reached said car, a tiny round vehicle that seated four. Victor unlocked it and reached for the driver’s door, then stopped. Walking to Van, he said, “Here, you hold the dog while I drive,” and before the man could protest, the fuzzball was in his arms.

He awkwardly smiled down at the corgi—animals had never liked him—and got in the car, sitting in the passenger side. The dog let out confused barks, as if asking to go back to Victor, and Helsing tried to comfort it, gently running his fingers on the animal’s wet head.

That’s when he realized they weren’t moving yet.

He looked up, and saw Victor looking ahead, frozen. His classmate seemed to be staring at something in the distance, processing an object far away from Van’s view. Then, Victor took a long, deep breath, and before Van could say anything, he started the car, and they were off.

Victor was right: the animal shelter really wasn’t far, and they pulled into the parking lot only a few minutes later. “You can wait here,” Victor said, taking the dog from Helsing’s arms. Then he walked inside Victoria Animal Rescue, and disappeared from view.

Van looked around, trying to catch hints of Victor’s character in the car. It had both a CD and a tape player, and various classical music recordings were scattered about the vehicle. There were also a few books and study materials, mostly for chemistry. The biggest thing about the vehicle—and this was hardly a surprise, knowing its owner—was that it was impeccably neat, almost uncannily so. The only deviations from this were a few scribbled notes stuffed in the cupholder.

Victor returned, and Helsing looked up, watching him get in the driver’s side. “They’ll take care of him,” the chemist said, sounding relieved. “I’m glad we were able to spot the little guy.”

“You did a good job,” Van said. “Not everyone would take the time to rescue a dog like that.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Victor said quickly, starting the car. “Come on, I just did what anyone else would’ve.”

“You’re a kind person,” Helsing told him, watching as they backed out of the parking lot and returned to the road. _And if I’m being honest_ , he thought to himself, _that’s making me fall for you, just a little bit more. . ._

“Where do you need to go, Van?” his classmate asked, interrupting his thoughts. “Want me to drop you off somewhere?”

He shook his head. “Wherever you’re going is fine,” he replied. “I’m in the mood for a walk, so I can make my way home from there.”

“In this weather?” Victor laughed. “Alright, if you say so.”

Soon they were back on campus, and Victor parked in front of the English building, shutting off the car. “Thanks for coming with me,” the chemist said, giving Van a smile. “I appreciate that.”

“Of course,” Van replied. “It was good traveling with you.”

“Thanks.” There was a pause, and then, Victor laughed. “Sorry. I still feel bad about the other day.”

“I told you, there’s nothing to feel bad about,” Helsing assured him. He reached over and put his hand on top of Victor’s. “You’re perfectly fine.”

The chemist smiled, and let out a little laugh. “Sorry. I have such a hard time believing that sometimes.”

“I’ve noticed.” Then an idea occurred to Van, and he said, “Hey . . . have you heard of the For The Immortals event?”

“No.” Victor turned to him, confused. “What’s that?”

“It’s a show where a bunch of bands play classical music covers,” he replied. “An old friend of mine sent me some tickets for the Wednesday show. . . Do you want to go with me?”

Surprise filled Victor’s face, then joy, and he grinned goofily. “Wow, that sounds . . . yeah! That would make me really happy.”

“Fantastic.” Van gave the chemist’s hand one more squeeze, and he opened the car door, picking up his backpack and stepping outside. “We’ll talk more then, alright?”

“For sure.” Victor also stepped out of his car, grabbing his bag from the backseat before closing the door. “Van . . . thank you.”

He smiled. “Of course. See you Wednesday.”

Helsing walked away, feeling proud of himself. He liked seeing Victor more confident in himself like that—and every time the man smiled, it made him happy, too. More than anything, he wanted to see that smile more, cause it more, be a part of why Victor became happy.

He hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Not since . . . well, that wasn’t worth thinking about.

Van reached into his bag and pulled out the tickets, grateful he hadn’t thrown them away yet. Of course, he’d have to send payment for them back to Aleister—along with _another_ request not to contact him—because the last thing he wanted was to feel like he owed the man something.

Happy with the day’s events, Van headed down to the gym, put on his boxing gloves, and began a satisfying workout.

Hopefully he could run into Impey before Wednesday. He had an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Sisi's here! :3
> 
> Van's a good guy. Can anyone guess what he's plotting with Impey?


	5. The Concert

Victor paced outside his dorm, waiting for Van Helsing to show up. His classmate would pick him up for the concert any minute, and then the two would be off to For The Immortals.

His brain was still somewhat in panic mode, thanks to Sunday’s events, but it was a little less on fire now, at least. He didn’t have any nightmares the previous evening, and the chemist was feeling, relatively, rather calm. Relatively.

 _I wonder what this concert is going to be like?_ he wondered, still walking back and forth. _I hope it’s not too crowded—the last thing I need is to be pressed in my a crowd._ He took a deep, determined breath. _Easy, Fran. I’m sure everything’s going to be fine. Van’s going to be there, after all—I’m sure it’ll be a nice time._

Headlights turned into the Tower Dorm parking lot, and Victor looked up to see Van approaching. His classmate was driving a long, flat car, an older model that was covered in glossy fake woodgrain. When the car stopped a few feet in front of Victor, he noticed a few magnets and stickers on the bumper, one of which read _GOD SAVE THE PUNKS_.

“Hey there,” Van said through the open window. He was wearing his spiky jacket, and underneath was an adorable button-down shirt, patterned with various guitar models and amplifiers. “You ready to go?”

“Heck yeah!” Victor exclaimed, getting in the car. He almost felt underdressed in his yellow-gray flannel—maybe he should’ve worn something more exciting too. But it was a little late for regrets now.

“Then let’s do this.” Helsing stick-shifted them to drive, and the two were off.

As his classmate navigated out of the university, Victor used the opportunity to look around the car. The woodgrain extended inside the vehicle, making for a nice finish around the wheel, walls, and radio. Metal and punk CDs were crammed into the sidedoors—one was playing quietly now, he noticed—and tossed in the back, making the space absolutely filled with music. A drum-shaped air freshener made the car small vaguely of mint, and it was hanging with a wooden ornament that looked vaguely familiar. . . Then Victor realized, it was the Smashing Skulls logo: the aftermath of a bat hitting said skull, with the instrument retreating backwards and shards frozen mid-air above the head. Behind it, someone had written something, but he wasn’t nosy enough to find out what it was.

“So who’s playing tonight?” Victor asked, turning to his date—he was started to get more comfortable thinking of Van that way, which made him happy. “Anyone I would know?”

Helsing shrugged. “Geeks and Beakers, Rejuvenated, Adam’s Orange, The Tolerant Widows. . .” He glanced over at Victor. “Any of those rings a bell?”

“I think Impey listens to Adam’s Orange,” he replied, scratching his chin. “Other than that, I don’t think so.”

“Mostly a lot of small to mid-size bands play in this show,” Van explained. “What’s nice about it is that you get a range of genres. . . Some people give a more electric take on classical melodies, while others are more acoustic, for example.”

“I see.” Victor leaned back, smiling. “Could you tell me a bit more about the bands that are going to be there? I’d love to hear about them from you.”

“Gladly,” Helsing replied. “There’s a small group called Social Glory Cybers that will be doing a darksynth version on Beethoven’s 5th Symphony—I admire their sound very much. Their production has only gotten better over the years, and they recently upgraded their equipment. And then there’s The Tolerant Widows. . .”

Victor listened to Van go through each band one by one, holding onto every word. It was clear this was something the man was very passionate about—he really knew a lot about music. _I’ve been playing for a long time_ , Victor thought as he listened, _but Helsing knows so much about the other aspects of songs—I wonder what I could learn from him?_

He was almost disappointed when they pulled into the parking lot, because Van stopped talking about the bands and simply said, “We’re here.” The large space was lit brightly with lanterns, but there didn’t seem to be too many cars, which was a relief.

Helsing parked, and the two stepped outside. “So we—?” Victor watched his date walk down to the trunk and open it. _What is he doing?_ To his surprise, Van pulled out a picnic basket and a blanket.

Seeing Victor’s confusion, he explained, “It’s a field with open seating. I figured I’d get us dinner.”

“Oh.” Victor blushed, a smile spreading across his face. “You didn’t have to do that for me. . .”

“I wanted to,” his classmate replied. He walked over and took Victor’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Now, shall we?”

Victor nodded, and the two were on their way.

After making their way across the parking lot, they found a box office set up across the entrance to the field, with no line in sight. Van gave them the tickets, got two event programs in return, and the two were let in. Victor gasped, taking in the sight of the concert.

It really was a wide-open field, with people spread out nicely on blankets and chairs, and a wide stage in front of it all. Some lights were shining down on the audience, surrounding them with a purple glow as everyone waited for the show to start. It looked more like a group meditation center than a concert, and that atmosphere was quite reassuring.

“I know the best spot,” Helsing told him, leading Victor forward. They stopped in the middle of the field, and he set down their blanket, gesturing for Victor to sit. The chemist did so, and his date sat next to him, opening the picnic basket. Inside were two pristine-looking sandwiches, each cut into two halves, and two bottles of water. “Shall we?” Van asked.

“Thanks,” Victor said, taking a sandwich. He had skipped dinner, like usual, and part of him felt guilty for eating. _Do I really deserve this?_ But he couldn’t _not_ eat the food Helsing had prepared for him, so he took a big bite, eyes widening in delight at the flavors that filled his mouth.

“This is amazing!” the chemist exclaimed, digging into the sandwich. “Tastes kinda familiar though. . .”

Van Helsing smiled. “I asked Impey to make this for us,” he explained, nibbling at his own food.

“Wow—he didn’t tell me anything about that!” Victor chuckled. “Which is funny, since usually that guy can’t keep his mouth shut. . .”

“I asked him to keep it between us,” his date explained. “Though he was _really_ itching to reveal this to you, I wanted it to be a surprise. I figured you’d relax more with some familiar food.”

The chemist smiled, grateful Helsing had put so much thought into this. “Thank you.”

“Not to mention. . .” Van folded his arms grumpily. “I . . . am a terrible cook.”

Victor gasped. “ _No_! Really?”

“Truly.” The man sighed, taking another bite of Impey’s amazing sandwich. “As much as I put into my food, all I get out of it is people asking to excuse themselves.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “Everyone has their talents. Cooking is just not mine.”

“. . . How’d you even know about Impey’s cooking, anyway?”

Van chuckled. “He brings cupcakes for everyone’s birthday. I figured if that was any indication, his meals must be as amazing as his baking.”

“Fair assumption,” Victor said. He finished the first half of the sandwich, and started the second one.

There was a pause, and then, the chemist felt Van’s warm, gentle hand on top of his. “So, tell me about yourself a bit more,” his date said. “Why did you choose to pursue chemistry?”

Victor smiled. This was a topic he was very comfortable with. “I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of creating something from nothing,” he explained, “ever since I was a kid. Not to mention understanding the fundamental principles of our world, and everything in the known universe.” 

He sighed. “It’s kind of comforting that things can be broken down like that, reduced to simple, understandable parts that can be created, duplicated, and studied. I kind of wish more things in life were like that.”

Van said nothing, and immediately Victor’s brain was nagging him. _God, why did you have to ramble on about that?!_ he shouted at himself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

He took a deep breath to try and calm his thoughts. As he did so, Helsing said, “That’s a pretty cool reason.”

“R-Really?!” he turned to his classmate, a relieved smile on his face.

“Yes.” Van looked up at the sunset sky, and said, “I wish the same thing sometimes. Life can be complicated.”

Victor let out an internal sigh of relief. “Thanks. So, why did you choose Forensics?”

“I want to do a career that helps people,” Helsing explained. “At first I thought I wanted to be a cop, but then I realized I’d just be contributing to a toxic system, and I don’t want to be a part of that. So I’d like to be a Victim Advocate instead, when I graduate in the spring.”

“That’s awesome!” Victor exclaimed.

“Thanks.” He shrugged. “I’ve seen toxic systems before, and I don’t want to be a part of one again.”

“I see.”

Van opened his mouth to ask another question, but his gaze was drawn up to the stage, “It’s starting,” he explained to Victor, as the lights shifted from purple to white, and shone down brightly on the audience. People cheered loudly, and in the midst of their screams, the performances began.

Victor had one of the best times of his life. He was already a huge fan of classical music, but to see it remixed and performed in so many ways was a new delight. Each song became his new favorite, as every band gave a new interpretation on some of his favorite tunes, along with ones he’d never heard before.

As they listened, he felt an arm come around his back, and turned to see Van embracing him in a side-hug. Victor blushed, then smiled, grateful for such affection. _He’s being so nice to me . . . even if I don’t deserve it._

Finally, sadly, the concert came to an end. Adam’s Orange wished them a good night, and the lights returned to their purple glow. “So, what did you think?” Van asked.

“I loved it!” the chemist exclaimed, unable to contain his joy. “That version of Fur Elise was just _divine_! And then The Four Seasons—I didn’t know baroque could sound like that! Not to mention the—”

He caught a glimpse of Helsing’s calm expression and stopped, turning away. “Sorry, I tend to go on a bit sometimes,” Victor said, laughing. “I know it can be annoying.”

“Not at all,” his date said, giving the chemist a reassuring squeeze. “I like listening to you.”

Victor smiled. _Really?_ “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Van nodded. “So, did you have a favorite band?”

“Hmm. . .” He rubbed his chin. “I really liked all of them. . . Social Glory Cybers was really good like you said. . . Oh, and Death’s Shepherds! The way that woman played the violin. . .!” The chemist let out a happy sigh. “That was _magical_. I wish I could play like that—maybe I could get some tips from her.” He laughed.

“Would you like to do that?”

Victor frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“The tickets I got came with backstage passes,” Van said with a satisfied smile, pulling out two slips of paper from his pocket. “So, if you’d like, you can definitely ask Death’s Shepherds’ violinist for advice. Want to?”

“Would I?!” He let out a delighted squeal. “I’d love to! Oh man, thank you so much!”

Before he knew it, his arms were around Van Helsing, squeezing the man tightly. Then Victor realized what he was doing, and quickly let go, clearing his throat. “Erm, sorry. I got kinda excited.”

“You apologize too much,” Van replied, a small smile on his face. “You should be more confident with who you are. I don’t mind your excitement at all.”

The words washed over Victor like a calming wave, and the chemist let out a relaxed sigh. “Thank you. I forget that sometimes.”

“You’re welcome.” Helsing’s arm left Victor’s back, and he stood up. “Now, help me get the blanket, and we can head backstage?”

The chemist nodded, and stood too. After they folded the blanket, they headed up to the stage, where a small line had formed. People were breaking down the equipment, and a man in a crew shirt stood in the front of the line. It appeared they were waiting for something.

“It usually takes a few minutes,” Van explained as they got in line. “They have to assemble all the bands together backstage before they’ll let us go.”

Victor nodded. _Wait a minute. . ._ “How do you know that?”

“I’ve worked this show a few times,” Helsing answered with a shrug.

“That’s awesome!” the chemist exclaimed. _Geez, this guy just gets cooler!_

“It wasn’t much, really. Just my job.”

“But still.” Victor smiled. “That’s a pretty cool job.”

“Thank you.”

“LAURA?!”

The new voice made both of the men jump, and they turned around. One of the people on stage had stopped working, and he was staring directly at them.

No—he was staring directly at Van Helsing

“Laura?” Victor repeated, glancing from the man to Helsing. He noticed that, for the first time that night, his date looked unsettled, and he was completely frozen.

The man on stage ran down the stairs, and stopped in front of the two, staring quizzically at Van. “It _is_ you,” he muttered, eyes widening.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, Van Helsing! D:
> 
> I had a lot of fun coming up with fake band names in this chapter. X3 Do you have a favorite?


	6. One Sad Accident, One Happy One

“Chester,” Van muttered. His eyes narrowed. It had been a long time since he’d seen the other roadie, and he hadn’t changed much—well, aside from the straggly beard he now sported. “I told you, I don’t go by that name anymore. Please, just call me Van Helsing.”

“I didn’t expect to see you,” Chester replied with a smile, seemingly ignoring his words. “Did you get the tickets Aleister sent? Aw man, he’ll be so happy to see you!”

 _Shit._ “Aleister is here?” he asked, trying to remain calm. No need to panic—yet. There was still time to escape the situation. Still, this all felt tense. Hopefully Victor couldn’t feel it too.

“Yeah, he’s lingering backstage somewhere.” Chester laughed. “You know how he is, always has to be in charge of everything.”

Van nodded. It was at that moment he realized his breathing was shallow, rough, not normal. Shiiiiit. Victor could definitely see it now, couldn’t he?

The line for backstage passes started to move, and he turned to his date. “Why don’t you go on in? I’ll meet you there in a minute.”

“No way,” Victor replied, not hesitating for a second. “I’m not leaving you.” He reached down and squeezed Helsing’s hand, and gave a reassuring smile. So, he had seen the tense atmosphere—and was choosing to stay at his side. Van was relieved and grateful at the same time.

“So, who’s your date?” Chester asked. “Does he know that you used to be a—”

“Chester, what do you want?” His limit had been reached, and the words snapped out of his mouth. “Why did you want to see me?”

The roadie hesitated, then laughed. “Well, if I’m being honest, I wanted to ask why you quit.” He sighed. “You were doing so well with Smashing Skulls! I thought you were gonna be a full part of their crew, leave me in the dust. And then you just . . . left.”

Van took a breath, trying to mask his internal struggle with a calm demeanor. “I don’t owe you an explanation, Chester.”

“Come on!” The man scowled. “Even after everything we’ve been though?”

He sighed. “Look . . . all I’ll tell you is that I left because of Aleister.” At that, a memory surfaced, and he struggled not to wince. “That’s it.”

Chester’s face twisted into utter confusion, and he scratched his head. “Well, I appreciate you being honest with me,” he said, “but Aleister is the nicest person I know. I have a hard time believing he made you leave.”

“I told you that’s all I’d tell you,” Van said firmly. “It’s a private matter.”

“Fair enough,” the roadie said, shrugging. He smiled. “It was good to see you, Laura. Can’t believe how different you look now.”

At that, Van Helsing _did_ wince, and he snapped, “That is not my name anymore, Chester. Do you understand?”

“Ok, gosh.” Chester laughed. “Sorry. I’ll tell Aleister you said hi.”

“No, wait—!” But he was already gone. Van sighed, and turned to his date. It was clear Victor had a few questions, but he held up his hand and said, “Can you wait until we get in the car? I need a minute.”

“Sure.” Victor squeezed his hand again. “You ok?”

“Not really. Let’s go backstage so you can get some violin tips.” He smiled. “I think that’ll make me feel a bit better.”

And it did help—somewhat. Watching Victor and the violinist of Death’s Shepherd (Allison) talk music was comforting, and the chemist’s passion made Van smile. But he still found himself looking around, checking his environment, paranoia rising—Aleister was here, after all. He dreaded the moment he’d see the man again, and hoped today would not be the day he did.

Thankfully, their backstage experience went without incident, and the two walked back to the parking lot. “That was really nice of her to show me her instrument,” Victor said as they reached the car. “And that technique, moving her fingers across the violin’s neck so fast! I _have_ to write a song that uses that.”

“That sounds nice,” Helsing said, getting in the driver’s side. He paused, not starting the car just yet.

“You ok?” Victor asked. “How are you feeling now?”

“A bit better,” he admitted, folding his hands across his chest. “I didn’t expect to run into Chester tonight—or anyone I knew, for that matter. But I suppose I should’ve expected it.”

“I guess you knew him back when you were working as a roadie?”

“Yeah. He. . .” Van sighed. There was no point in hiding it. “He . . . um, knew me before I transitioned.” He glanced at Victor, watching for the chemist’s reaction. “I used to live as a woman, before I realized I’m transgender. I guess Chester can’t get that through his head.

“That’s part of the reason I left,” he admitted. “Aleister couldn’t take it, so . . . I decided it was a good time to get out.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Van Helsing waited for his date’s reaction, preparing for the worst. He had received the worst from more than a few people now—would this be any different?

“Chester shouldn’t have done that.”

Van turned to the chemist, confused. “Done what?”

“Deadnamed you!” Victor exclaimed, frowning. “I mean, you even corrected him! That was super wrong!”

He laughed, relieved and happy to hear his classmate defending him. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”

“And I accept you.” Van turned to Victor in surprise, and he continued, “There’s nothing wrong with being trans. I know _that_ wasn’t the way you wanted to tell me. But I want you know know, unequivocally, that I accept you.”

Helsing couldn’t keep his usually-blank face from smiling. “I’m glad. Thank you, Victor.”

Victor smiled back at him. “That’s just the bare minimum of respect—shame Chester couldn’t reach that bar.”

At that, Van actually laughed. “Yes, it is a shame.” Then his smile faded, and he frowned as memories resurfaced. “I wonder if he’s Aleister’s favorite now,” the man muttered, “now that I’m gone. And I wonder if. . .?”

He sighed, and turned to Victor. “Sorry. I shouldn’t be looking back on the past like this.” He smiled. “I should look more towards the future.”

“That’s good.” The chemist smiled back. “I know that’s hard for me to do, though . . . so I understand that urge.”

“Thank you.”

The two looked into each other’s eyes, pausing for a moment. Then they both leaned forward, and kissed.  
For a moment, their lips were melting into one another as they came together—Victor’s lips were very soft, Van noticed. The chemist came in rather timidly, but in contrast Van was passionate, leading the way as they smooched each other. Until finally he detected that Victor wanted to stop, so he backed away, giving the chemist a moment to breathe.

“. . . Holy shit,” Victor said, looking over at Van. “You’re really good at that.”

Van couldn’t help but laugh. “So are you,” he teased, bringing his arm around Victor. “Would you like to do it again?”

“Give me a minute.”

“Of course.”

He watched the chemist breathe, and saw nervousness flash on the man’s face. “A bit too fast, huh?” Van asked.

“A bit,” Victor admitted. “I’m kind of overwhelmed.”

“That’s alright.” Van leaned down and, when the other man didn’t stop him, kissed Victor gently on the cheek, making him blush. “We can go as slow as you need to.”

The chemist let out a defeated laugh. “I can be such a pain sometimes. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He looked Victor in the eye. “You’re not a pain. You really need to stop talking about yourself that way.”

The other man took a deep breath. “Sorry. Bad habits are hard to break.”

“I know the feeling.” Van let go of his date, and started the car. “Now, what do you say we get some ice cream on the way back to the dorms? On me, of course.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“Great.”

“Van?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

“. . . Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kisssss! >3< And boundaries. Both are good!
> 
> As an enby trans dude, I can't help but have trans characters! FIGHT ME. Poor Van Helsing for being deadnamed like that though--Chester is a perfect example of what NOT to do.


	7. Two Days Later

“Uuuugh!” Victor moaned and leaned back in his desk. “So, that’s what happened. You got it out of me, ok?”

“You two KISSED?” Impey screeched, unable to contain his wild grin. “Aw man, congrats dude! Does that mean you’re officially dating now?”

“Impey, relax,” Lupin said. He was Victor and Impey’s other roommate, and after a long college conference, he had finally returned to the dorm. . . just in time for Victor’s predicament.

“How can I relax?!” Impey cried, putting his hands around Victor. “This dude’s gone to so much new territory! I’m so happy for him!”

“Alright, alright, that’s enough,” Victor said, gently removing Impey’s hands from around his shoulders.

Lupin laughed. “I must admit Impey has a point—it seems like Van Helsing has really stolen your heart, hasn’t he?”

Victor blushed. “. . . Yeah,” he admitted. “But I just—But I can’t—I’m not _good_ enough is the problem!” He grabbed his hair, letting out a groan. “God, what is wrong with me?”

“Aw, come on, dude,” Impey soothed him, putting a hand on the chemist’s shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Your brain is just being stupid.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Lupin muttered.

“Hey, I’m trying to _help_!” At that moment, Impey remembered something, and he turned to Victor. “Oh yeah—Van asked about you in class today, by the way. He asked for your number to check if you’re ok, since he hasn’t seen you in two days.”

“You didn’t give it to him, did you?!” asked Victor, panicked.

“No, I just told him I’d check on you.” Impey reached into his pocket and pulled out a note, handing it to the chemist. “And he wanted me to give you this.”

Victor opened the note, and read:

_Just want to see how you’re doing. Please let me know you’re ok. – Van_

Below that was his phone number.

“Looks like he’s worried about you,” Lupin noted. “I mean, I would be to, if my datemate kissed me and then ghosted for two days.”

“Come on, you and Cardia are different,” Victor argued.

“But the ghosting?”

The chemist sighed. “I suppose you’re right,” he muttered.

“C’mon, talk to Doctor Impey and Doctor Lupin!” Impey exclaimed. “What’s got you so concerned? I mean, do you even _want_ to date the guy?”

“I. . .” Victor swallowed. “Look, Van is amazing and wonderful and I really want to date him. I’m just worried about _my_ role in that equation, that’s all.”

“But you’re great!” Impey said. “What’s to worry about?”

“Come on, Impey, we’ve been over this,” Lupin said. “Just because _you_ have an endless amount of self-esteem doesn’t mean everybody else does.”

“Exactly,” Victor said, running a nervous hand through his hair. “I just feel so . . . tainted, you know? And I don’t know how to—”

Something clicked in the chemist’s mind, and he sighed. “Shit,” he muttered. “I think I know what I have to do.”

“What’s that?” Lupin asked. Impey leaned forward.

“I . . . I have to tell him,” Victor said, glancing at the two. “I have to tell him about . . . _that_.”

Both of them immediately understood what he meant, and Lupin frowned. “Are you sure?” he asked. “Don’t rush in and put yourself in an uncomfortable position.”

“I think I have to,” the chemist said, laughing. “I can’t be open with him unless I’m honest with him. Plus, it’ll take a load off my mind—I don’t have to worry about him leaving me if he finds out, not if I tell him!”

He took a deep breath. “Van is . . . someone I care about. And I think he deserves to know.” He turned to Impey and Lupin. “What do you think?”

The two exchanged glances. “You know yourself best,” Lupin finally said. “If you think that’s something you have to do, I don’t think either of us have any right to stop you.”

“And we’ll support you, no matter what!” Impey exclaimed. “You’re our friend, after all—we’ve known each other since freshman year! And we got your back.”

“Thanks.” Victor smiled. “My brain’s telling me he’s going to dump me over this and never talk to me again.”

“Well, your brain is _quite_ rude.” Lupin stood up. “I’m going to go get us slushies from the student center. While I’m gone, let Van know you’re alright, ok?”

Victor smirked. Of course Lupin would use his favorite snack to help motivate him to text Helsing. “Alright,” he promised.

“I’ll stay here,” Impey said. “This genius engineer has a few projects he wants to work on!”

“Fair enough,” Lupin replied, shrugging. “I’ll be back.”

As he left the room, Victor picked up his phone. He inputted Van’s number, and nervously wrote out a text, taking a few deep breaths as he did so:

_Victor: Hey, this is Victor Frankenstien. C,: Impey gave me your number and your note. I just wanted to let you know I’m doing ok. After our kiss I kinda panicked and holed up for a while. I’m sorry for worrying you._

_Anyway, I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon sometime? There’s something I want to tell you._

The chemist took a deep breath and, holding the phone up in the air, he pressed send.

“YOU DID IT!” Impey cheered, making Victor jump, his phone almost falling out of his hand. “Proud of you, dude!”

“Thanks,” Victor said, a relieved smile on his face. “It’s not really a—”

 _Bzzz!_ He received a message. Van had already replied.

_Van: I’m glad you’re doing alright. To be honest, I was worried that I scared you away when I came out. Was that the case?_

The chemist quickly responded:

_Victor: No, no, not at all! >m< I’m just going through some personal things right now. I’m sorry I made you think that. That wasn’t very nice of me._

_Van: Don’t worry, I understand. So, about that meeting: what time would be best? I’m free most of the day._

_Victor: How about the afternoon then? We can meet up at the park!_

_Van: That works for me. How’s 1PM sound?_

_Victor: That sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow! ouo/_

_Van: See you then._

Victor shut off his phone with a sigh of relief. So Helsing wasn’t mad at him for ghosting. He did feel bad for making the other man think that coming out scared him away, though. . .

No, he couldn’t let his thoughts sink into negativity. The chemist took a deep breath and looked around. Impey was hard at work on some gadget, concentrating incredibly hard on getting a few tiny screws in. He needed to focus on something too, relax for a moment, prepare himself for tomorrow.

Victor pulled out his violin and plugged in the headphones. After tuning the strings, he began to play.

Lupin would be back with the slushies soon, sure. But for now, he needed to exist in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun duuuun.  
> "Datemate" is a gender-neutral way to refer to one's partner, the nonbinary equivalent of boyfriend/girlfriend. In this AU, Cardia is enby. See my fic on her coming out in a non-AU setting: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314775


	8. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: discussion of trauma and traumatic events, including car accidents and sexual assault/rape.

Van walked down to the park, practicing mindful breathing as he did so. He wasn’t quite sure what Victor had to tell him—it sounded a bit serious, but aside from that, he hadn’t a clue.

A part of him wondered if the chemist wanted to stop seeing him, but Van quickly pushed that aside. _That couldn’t be it_ , he thought, thinking of how much they’d connected over the past week. At least, he hoped that wasn’t it. He wanted to keep getting to know Victor in a deeper way—as much as he was hesitant to admit it, he had fallen head over heels for the man.

When Van looked up, he saw Victor sitting at the same bench they had been at for their ice cream date (and the panic attack); the man waved upon seeing him. “Hey there,” Helsing said with a smile, sitting down on the bench. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Victor admitted. “I’m sorry I freaked and ghosted for a while. And I really didn’t mean for you to think it was because you came out to me—I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok,” he soothed the chemist, placing a gentle hand over Victor’s. “I understand. Now, there was something you wanted to tell me?”

“Right.” Victor cleared his throat. For a long moment he was silence, and there was a tense look in his eyes, like the chemist was fighting some intense, inner battle. But then the look faded, and he turned to Van.

“I am . . . not . . . a good person,” the chemist said, the words spilling out of his mouth bit by bit. “And there are things about me that . . . that I feel you should know, if you really want to pursue a romantic relationship.”

Helsing frowned. “Can you explain what you mean?”

Victor nodded. He lifted his hand out of Van’s gentle grip, and folded his fingers together, staring forward. “Y-You might have noticed I have some trauma around . . . cars,” he finally said, looking away. “That’s because, when I was 18, I was in an accident. An accident . . . that I caused.”

The chemist glanced over at Van, nervous eyes checking his reaction. He was surprised, yes, and didn’t know what to think. But more than that, he wanted to tell Victor that he was listening, and tried to convey that with his eyes.

The man continued, his voice unsteady. “I was driving to pick up some materials for my school’s science fair. I reached an intersection, turned too early. And then. . .”

The chemist winced, burying his face in his hands. There was a long moment of silence.

“Nobody died, but we were both badly injured, and our cars were totaled,” Victor said. “And he told me he’d never forgive me . . . and I’ve never really forgiven myself.”

He looked up at the sky. “I’ve been fucked up ever since. I almost killed myself, and I had to take a year off for mental health, alongside the time I spent recovering from the accident and waiting for the court case. . .!”

The chemist turned to Van, a sad smile on his face. “The point is, I did something absolutely terrible,” he said quietly. “And that I’m a terrible person, and I don’t deserve you. I really don’t.” He sighed. “I don’t really know what you even see in me, Van. You clearly deserve someone better.”

“I’m sorry,” Helsing interrupted, making Victor turn to him in surprise. “But I can’t listen to this anymore.

The other man smiled sadly. “. . . That makes sense. So, you’re probably going to—”

He didn’t get a chance to finish, because at that moment, Van reached out, and wrapped his arms around Victor in a big, tight hug.

After a moment of silence, the chemist let out a quiet, “. . . Oh.” Wetness sprouted on Helsing’s sleeve, and he realized Victor was crying.

“I know it doesn’t really matter,” he said, squeezing the man tight, “but I forgive you.”

“W-What?” Victor sniffed.

“You can’t forgive yourself, so I forgive you,” Van said.

“You can’t do that!” the chemist sputtered. “Y-You don’t know what happened, you don’t know what I really did!”

“That doesn’t matter,” Helsing said simply. “Because I know Victor Frankenstein is a good person at heart. I know he cares about other people far more than he cares about himself. And if he can’t forgive himself, I’m going to forgive him.”

“Y-You. . .” 

Anything Victor was going to say evaporated as he burst into tears, full-on sobbing on Van’s shoulder. He held the man tight, and Helsing squeezed back, not letting go, letting his hands rest solidly on Victor’s back.

After a long while, the chemist lifted himself up from the hug, and Van released him, moving next to Victor and putting an arm around him. He sniffed, wiping his nose with his arm. “I was expecting a lot of different reactions,” he finally said, “but I wasn’t expecting that one.”

They sat in silence for a long moment. Eventually Victor leaned into the hug, letting his head rest on Van’s shoulder. Neither of them spoke—neither of them needed to. For a while, they just existed together, and nothing else mattered.

“. . . So what do you actually see in me?” the chemist finally asked. He sighed. “I have a hard time seeing myself as . . . as ‘boyfriend material’.”

“You’re the smartest, kindest person I know,” Helsing replied, answering without hesitation. He leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on the top of Victor’s head. “That’s something I admire a lot about you.”

He laughed. “Thank you.”

Van smiled. Then he remembered, and said, “And if I’m being honest, I can . . . kind of relate to what you’re saying. About thinking you’re a terrible person.”

Victor turned to him. “Really?”

Helsing nodded, running a hand through his hair. This was going to be difficult to articulate. “Back when I worked as a roadie, I worked under a man named Aleister,” he began. “I know now that he . . . targeted me, back when I was a young punk. That he chose his apprentices carefully, and wanted to make them feel as shitty as he felt.”

“That’s terrible!”

“I know.” Van sighed. “But I didn’t see it at the time. I was really good at being part of the road crew, and I enjoyed it, _and_ it paid well—not to mention the parties were . . . enticing to me, when I was younger. So I didn’t see what Aleister was doing. But then I realized I was a man, and everything changed.”

He turned to Victor. “I didn’t get it until later, but he targeted me because he thought I was a woman, and he wanted power over me. When I came out to him and his other mentees, he flipped out, made me doubt everything I knew about myself, convinced me I was a terrible person for even wanting it. So I put it off, for a long time.

“But one day, I looked around at everything, at the parties and the scene and at myself, and I realized if I wanted to truly feel like _me_ again, I had to get the fuck out.” He sighed. “I was working with Smashing Skulls at the time, and had a great relationship with them. I really didn’t want to mess that up. But I knew I had to leave.”

“So you did?” Victor asked.

“It took time,” Helsing explained. “I decided to wait until the end of their summer tour, and tell Aleister the news at the end of their last concert.” He sighed. “He did not . . .react well. He said and _did_ some awful things to me that night, touched me in places nobody ever should.”

“Jesus,” the chemist said. He reached over and took Van’s hand. “I’m so sorry. No one should have to experience that.”

Van nodded his thanks, and continued, “It was a really bad night. But the minute I got home, I was free, and I decided to go to college. I came here, transitioned while taking classes and . . . here I am.”

A long silence rested between them. “I’m so sorry,” Victor said again, squeezing Helsing’s hand. “That’s just. . . I’m just sorry.”

Despite everything, Van laughed. “And that’s what I love about you,” he said, smiling. “That even in the midst of all your shit, you still find room for kindness.”

The chemist blushed. “. . . I never really saw that before,” he admitted. “I just do what anyone else would.”

“Don’t short-sell yourself,” Van said. “You’re a good person, Victor.”

“Well, so are you!” Victor exclaimed. “Fuck Aleister. You weren’t wrong for wanting to transition, and you’re a great guy.”

Helsing hesitated, then asked, “. . . Do you want to be great guys together?”

“Huh?” The chemist turned to him, eyes wide.

“I’m asking if you want to be my boyfriend, Victor Frankenstein,” he said, smiling down at the man. “So? What do you say?”

Victor blushed. “Y-You still want to date me, even after everything?” he asked quietly. “But I’m . . . I’m. . .”

“A great person who has trauma,” Van said. “You’re not a bad person, and you’re not a burden. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m legitimately interested in you. Are you interested in me?”

“Of course!” the chemist blurted out. “You’re a great guy, someone I really admire!”

“Then what do you say?”

Victor thought for a moment. After a long time of thinking, he nodded, turning to Helsing. “Ok,” he said, cracking a smile. “Let’s. . . Let’s do this.”

Van couldn’t resist a laugh. “Well put,” he said, a smile sprouting from his face too.

“Would you. . .?” Victor blushed. “Would you mind kissing me again?”

“I would be happy to.”

He leaned down, and this time it was Victor who was the eager one, leading Van Helsing in a lovely series of soft kisses. They stopped for a moment, catching their breath, then came in again for more. When the two were satisfied, they parted, each with a smile on their face.

“I’m excited,” Victor said.

Van smiled.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;m; (crying)
> 
> That love man . . . gets me every time.


	9. Afterword

“Van, I got him!”

Victor walked up the steps of their apartment, a dog carrier in hand. After knocking the door, he realized it was open, and stepped inside the house.

The two had just moved here just after graduating, so it was still a bit of a mess. Van was in the middle of it, unpacking, though upon hearing the door opening he looked up. “You’re back,” he said, standing from the floor. “Did you pick a good one?”

“Yeah.” Victor grinned. “Tell me if he looks familiar.” He opened the dog carrier, and a brown corgi came bounding out, panting happily.

Van’s eyes widened. “Is that the dog you rescued from the rain last fall?”

“That’s right!” the chemist replied. He smiled. “I can’t wait to see him become a full-fledged Emotional Support Animal.”

“I’m happy for you.” Van kissed him on the cheek. “What did you name him?”

“Sisi.”

“Cute.” As Victor laid out the food and bowls for the animal, the other man said, “I’m happy for you, babe. I think this’ll be something that’ll be really great for you.”

“Thanks.” Victor smiled. “Speaking of mental health, my psychiatrist wants me to try another antidepressant. She gave me the script yesterday after I told her the last one was making me moody.”

“That’s good.” Van bent down and pet their new dog. “Oh—there’s something I want to tell you.”

The chemist could hear the seriousness in his boyfriend’s voice, and asked, “What is it, babe?”

Helsing hesitated for a moment, and then said, “. . . I think I’m going to report Aleister to the police.”

Victor nodded, listening. The man continued, “I received an email from another mentee the other day. She told me she experienced . . . similar things from Aleister. I talked to her, and we’re going to go to the police together. I’m sure that route won’t go anywhere, so I’m thinking of speaking out publicly with her as well.” He looked at his boyfriend. “What do you think? I don’t want to put a target on our backs, or put you in danger, but—”

“If you feel it’s the right thing to do, then do it,” the chemist said, taking his hand. “Don’t worry about us. Just do what you think is right.”

Van smiled, clearly relieved. “Thank you, honey. I appreciate that.

“Now, can you do me a favor?”

Victor smirked. “Anything for you—well, _nearly_ anything, that is.”

Van reached into one of the boxes, and pulled out his boyfriend’s violin. “Could you play a tune for me?”

The chemist laughed. “But of course.” He looked down at Sisi. “I think our new dog will appreciate it too.” As if agreeing with him, the corgi let out a happy bark.

Helsing chuckled. “Good.”

Victor took his violin out and prepared to play, running through his mental list of songs. His music had felt a lot happier since he met Van—how best to convey that?

He positioned his bow above the strings, and then began to play.

“~Light the candles, light the fuse. . .~”

Van sat on the floor and listened, putting Sisi in his lap. Watching his boyfriend play, he saw a new spirit in Victor, a happier soul than the one he’d first met. And that made him so, so happy.

As the chemist played his song, both boyfriends knew the future was going to turn out well. And that things were going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice happy ending! uwu The song Victor plays at the end is Amélie by Teddy Hyde: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZWcHpas6RE  
> I hope you liked this fic! Let me know what you thought of it! C:


End file.
